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    So, fellas! You wanna get lucky? You want your genitals to party with other nicer and altogether different genitals?

    You wanna get the bitches? Here's all you need to know! As a thoughtful starting place, don't refer to the object of your affection as a bitch; that's actually not as complimentary as conventional wisdom would have us believe.

    By mentally linking strong women with bitches, you simultaneously dismiss their strength and reduce their humanity by equating them with dogs; you make them immediately less than.

    And that's no way to get your dick wet, am I right, boys!? Instead, maybe play around with some thoughtful nicknames that are more specific to her, a nickname that can only belong to her because it is born of your unique relationship and your intimate understanding of each other.

    Or if nicknames aren't really your thing, it is highly likely that she will also be fine with you referring to her by her name. But don't get hung up on nicknames, because the key here is respect, and there are a lot of other subtle ways to make your woman think you respect her.

    When she gets home from work, chances are she'll want to tell you about her day. The trick here is to -- and this is going to sound crazy in how simple it is -- listen to her, much in the same way you listen to your male friends or the characters you most relate to on your television.

    Listen and then respond thoughtfully; if you see a solution to one of her problems, offer it, but if it's clear that she'd rather just vent for the sake of venting, give her a comfortable and supportive place in which to do that.

    Remember what she says, too, and the specific dynamics between her and her co-workers, as this will help trick her into thinking you've been paying attention.

    It sounds too good to be true, but if you make sure you listen to, understand, and respect your woman for just a few several years, you will have her convinced that you actually respect her.

    It's that easy. Once you've fooled her into thinking you respect her as a person, step two is to just continue to do that for the rest of your lives together and then strap in, because the next station stop is East Fuckhampton, Boobsylvania, where you will be getting down with your loved one every single night, except the nights where you just sort of get tangled together and watch Netflix because one of you is feeling farty and because Orange Is the New Black is ohmygod SO GOOD.

    But that's advice for someone who is already in a committed relationship. And that's not you, right, my man? You're a smooth sex maven from way back, and you're just looking to get your freak on with some random chicks from a bar, right?

    Let me paint the scene: You're at a bar, you see some strange, and you turn to one of your friends and say something cool and sexual, like "Boy, she's foxy; I bet she could wax my jimmy like someone who was paid to do such a thing professionally, not because she's a prostitute, but because she's so good at jimmy-waxing that the state just decides 'Lordy loo, you should get a stipend for this, you're so good!

    You stroll up, you put on your Nice Guy Smile and toss out your Nice Guy Wave and say a bunch of Nice Guy Things, and, because the universe is unjust, she doesn't immediately have sex with you.

    What happened? Must be her problem, right? The hard truth is that chicks just don't dig nice guys. Blue shirt. Human hands.

    I've heard a lot of people complain about niceness. It's not a new refrain: "Every girl says she's 'just looking for a nice guy,' yet I'm a nice guy, no one ever dates me, and girls keep going out with assholes!

    Or not "usually. In fact, in my something years as a semi-professional expert in the study of Balls-Out Fucksmanship I studied at Cornell, where I graduated Summa Cum you see where this joke is going , I have never once heard a woman say she was "just looking for a nice guy.

    What I do hear from women is very much the same as what I hear from guys -- they want someone who is nice, sure, but also interesting and exciting and confident.

    Talented in some way, or funny. Dynamic and comfortable in his own skin and respectful and attentive and useful. The first step to getting your tongue all up in a woman's mouth begins with making sure you didn't put words in there first.

    And then, I'm going to give it to you. So, how do you get one of those dopey broads to fall for the old "I'm dynamic and interesting" trick? Simple: learn, do, and get good at stuff.

    If time is money, then skills and life experiences are the sweeping dividends you yield after you invest your time wisely. In a group, the person who can play an instrument really well or speak six languages or start a fire in the wilderness out of nothing at all is the impressive person, but they got that way after years of being the person who practiced and studied.

    They made investments. We love impressive people. We love the guy who can just shred on a guitar while doing magic tricks, but we forget that to be that guy, he had to first be the kid who was shitty at guitar for a very long time, and who worked on his sleight of hand in front of a mirror instead of playing video games.

    Invest your time in a subject. Learn about something you love and be able to talk about it, because if you love something, you have passion for it, and people respond to passion.

    Nothing makes a person more attractive than being in their element. Talent, knowledge, and passion are sexy things. Invest yourself in a hobby. Be the kid who doesn't make a lot of friends doing gymnastics, because when that kid grows up he'll be able to do back flips off walls, and girls fucking love that.

    Suddenly, you're not "the nice one," you're "the nice, ambitious one with a number of impressive skills, passions, and stories that make him interesting; a dynamic person who brings a lot to the table, including his ability to do back flips off that table.

    Go ahead and take your treat! It's fun to think about sex as the reward you get, as something you earn, but it's also misguided and dangerous and not that fun at all when you think about it.

    In my house, we got rewarded with going out to dinner at Friendly's if we got good grades at the end of the semester. I got an A; I earned chicken fingers followed by ice cream that looked like a man with a big pointy hat whose brains I could devour.

    Flickr The brains would make me smarter, which would yield better grades and then more delicious brains. Here's an important thing: You will never be owed sex.

    At any time. From anyone. There aren't enough favors or good deeds you can do, and there will never be a large enough donation you could make in the Morality Bank to guarantee future sex.

    Do good things or be nice to a woman because they're the things you want to and should do, but remember that one of the most important aspects of gettin' all up in them guts is not believing that said guts are yours for the up-gettin'-in by right.

    Women view sex as an extension of love and romance, and I believe this gives them a warped view of sexuality from the beginning. The idea that we each have only one true soul mate with whom we will live in harmonious and uncomplicated bliss for all eternity is a crock of shit.

    We have to not only destroy the idea that good sex is some kind of automatic bonus dropped in your lap when you meet Mr. Right, we also have to destroy the idea that there is only one particular Mr.

    Right for each person, in whom all relationship problems will magically vanish. Thanks for your response to NGU about the differences between sex drives as men and women age.

    What is particularly frustrating to me as a straight guy is when women whose libidos have subsided suggest that a lower sex drive somehow implies a more evolved state, that they are now focused on more important issues: social justice, discrimination, pedicures for their cats.

    To them, middle-aged men who are still horny are simply hedonistic and immature. Right on, Mr.

    I am a fully recovered former "sensitive man" who tried to empathize with women and their inane complaints about male sex drives, how we are such animals who think of nothing else and how we need to change.

    Got me nowhere. Ironically, it only made things worse—they then saw me as less of a man. I have since learned to be a Man, respect myself, take charge, and not take this kind of crap from women.

    Guys, stop being her girlfriend and lay down the law. You are the Man and make no apologies for it. You have testosterone, and biologically you are wired to be continuously horny and banging away at as many women as possible as often as possible to spread your genes.

    With societal strictures, you are expected to contain this within a relationship. That in itself is a huge sacrifice women should be grateful you have made.

    If her idea of showing gratitude is laughing at your libido, show her ass the door. If he wants more sex, he needs to get a divorce.

    I am straight, married, a woman, a mother, and my husband has the libido of a gnat. We have sex about 12 times per year. I am 30, he is It is the only way out of this.

    I have spoken with him numerous times about how unsatisfied I am and how ridiculous this all is. After 10 years in this relationship four of them married , I get it.

    It is never going to change, he is never going to change, we are never going to change. If I want more sex, I need to divorce him and move on.

    He is a good man, a great husband, and an excellent father. This is all so sad, but you know, life is shitty sometimes. I just keep working out, I am looking better every day, and as soon as I feel ready, I will jet.

    I fuck my boyfriend about once a day on average sometimes more. And watching him jerk off is one of my favourite things in the world!

    The real issue is that we live in a culture that punishes women for being sexual and has been doing so for centuries.

    Doritos, cheese, and salsa are fine for a stoner snack, but as a ritual? We fall into ruts that are hard to break out of, but we do it.

    And surprise—when we start to have sex on a regular basis again, we realize how unhappy we were without it. At the end of the day, though, she still suggests that straight women take no responsibility over their own sexuality, and it is just sad that reviewer Loh "credits" lesbians with such a defeating proposal.

    I am a straight vanilla woman who wants to have sex all the time. If women got boners, I would be embarrassed constantly. But I have a problem: I want more sex than the man I am marrying.

    We have great sex on the weekends: intimate, sweet, slightly dirty vanilla sex. But during the week, he would much rather curl up with a terrible reality—TV show than have sex with me.

    I used to feel the same way—that women have naturally low libidos and men just have to be creative with their wives. Women really only have low libidos for their husbands—but they are insatiable and uninhibited with lovers on the side.

    I was in a four-year relationship with a low-libido woman; I am a high-libido i. While she tried to be accommodating, and I tried to be monogamous, we both eventually failed.

    Now I am with a high-libido woman. She wants it at least twice a day, multiple orgasms for her every time.

    Hungarian ancestry—do you think that has anything to do with it? Or am I a sex racist? Either way, after reading your column today, I am feeling like the luckiest man on earth.

    In my response to Not Giving Up, I called these "if only" letters:. If only he would talk with her about her day, she would want to have sex.

    You might think that, having read that, no one would have the nerve to send in "if only" letters addressed to NGU.

    Some women, like Sewell, have low libidos. But is it his fault? Some women think so—some women think it must be. Here are a few of their letters, with my translation in italics.

    That said, I can recall a time in my life when I was not so constantly eager for sex: when I was with a guy. If straight men want sex so much more than straight women do, why are women the ones devoting all of our time, money, and effort to being sexually desirable?

    We wear makeup, colour our hair, wax in places too sensitive to mention, spend 10 times what straight men do on our wardrobes, wear ridiculous lingerie, ride the elliptical machines, get the fat sucked out and the Botox and silicone pumped in.

    Maybe, just maybe, if men put half the effort into attracting and pleasing women that women put into attracting and pleasing men, men like NGU would have less to whine about and less time to spend whining: after shopping, the gym, and the salon, who has the energy?

    NGU, ever notice that "mutually insatiable" gay men are a hell of a lot better dressed and better groomed than you?

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